I feel like a tree

Abby's thoughts.....

Here we are in central California, trying to settle into a new life.  Trying to make a new home.  Trying to FIND a home!  I don’t share this to complain, I just share it to be REAL.  This is where I am at today on this journey.  Some days of this journey are exciting and thrilling; other days are full of doubt; wondering where hope is and what bend it’s around.  

We are facing reality now.  Far from the place we used to call home, far from familiar, and I’m trying to remind myself that it’s all going to be okay.  We are still living in Maxine, and the Maxine grace-o-meter is getting low. Everyday we look on craiglist.com for rentals.  There are few to choose from and of the few, the rent is more than we paid for our mortgage!  It looks bleak.  And today I wonder again, did we make the right move?  YES, comes a soft whisper from heaven. And good reminder to hear when there are days you still wonder.  I suppose the storm looks bigger than it really is, and the rainbow after the storm is usually brighter than expected.  So I have to believe it will all be okay, but this is a road I must walk down.  A road I must travel today before I get to my destination. And i guess, it's not really a storm, it just feels like a big mountain right now.

Today I feel lost.  I feel like a tree uprooted.  A tree that was once strong and lush, developing roots in rich soil.  But now, this tree is vulnerable, raw, exposed.  I look right and left, north and south looking for the RIGHT place to plant.  I so desperately want to plant in healthy fertile soil, yet I realize, I’m only to be planted in a temporary pot for now.  This season of time here is about discovery.  Discovering new places, new landscape, new cultures, new life, new firsts. Nothing has to be permanent.  That’s why we are renting and not buying. Sounds exciting, right?  So why am I so concerned about the color of my new pot, or the location of my pot, for that matter? The hurdle for me is, it’s not like a job brought us here and picked where we are going to live for us.  We are the ones making the decision.  AND, it feels like a BIG decision.  Lots of decisions!  Where do we live? Go to school?  Get jobs? Church? Friends? Life?! Do we live in San Luis Obispo, a fun college town, or Paso Robles in the vineyards, or Pismo Beach on the coast?  All have great things about them, pros, cons, etc. I know it sounds silly, and you may wonder, why am I all worked up about it? But, I think.... what if I don’t like my new pot?  What if the tree isn’t planted in the RIGHT pot?  What if it’s not as good as my old solid ground? 

But really, when I step back to look at my life, has God ever NOT taken care of me?  Has He ever led me somewhere that didn’t have a purpose?  Has He ever NOT provided for me?  I meekly answer, no.  And really, the truth is, He’s always given me more than my expectations.  So why would He stop now?  Why would He take me on this journey, only to drop me off and leave me?  I know it’s all going to work out.  I know we will find a home.  I know that we will find happiness and a good life in this new land.  It’s just hard because it looks strange and I don’t know what it’s supposed to look like. I’m sure there’s a good pot to be planted in.  It doesn’t have to be perfect. And the cool thing is, I can move this pot anywhere until I know for certain what ground to plant it in permanently.  

So...those are my thought.  Just me being real.  This is my journey I am living right now. 

Thanks for listening.